Goddess Intellect:Saying “I do” To More Than One Woman

When the vows are spoken, rings slid on the fingers, the official pronounces you man and wife, the padlock is closed, and you are now known as Mr. and Mrs. So-and-so instead of Tina and Bobby. One hopes that the adrenaline and emotional highs that was felt on the wedding day will never subside, and that the vow of commitment will never deteriorate. Tina and bobby go off to have jaw dropping and passionate sex on their honeymoon, they return back home and somewhere within that first year, marital bliss has turned into marital mayhem. Marital mayhem? Well according to a study conducted by researchers at the University of Washington Center for the Study of Health and Risk Behaviors, 20% of men and 15% of women under the age of 35 (age of your typical newlywed) admit to cheating on their spouses in 2006. In addition, of the 3.3 million users of AshleyMadison.com, a dating site that caters to married people looking to creep about 500,000 are newlyweds.

Is Marriage Sacred nowadays?

Well shoot, with these numbers I’d have to say sure marriage is still sacred. I’ll give you my honest opinion, just because modern day society constantly gathers and analyzes numbers conducting studies on damn near everything does not mean that something like newlywed infidelity is a new trend. Studies have shown an increase in the percentage of infidelity amongst married individuals over the years, but we are also dealing with a larger population. Marriage is still sacred because there are fewer of us that are willing to jump the broom and shack up without hesitation. It’s no longer a necessity for a woman who was once shunned from the workforce to rely on a man financially. As well it is no longer the norm for a man to wait it out or pay for sex, pussy nowadays for the most part is free, just not tax-deductible.

Why do newlyweds Cheat?

The best person to answer this question would be a cheating newlywed, but I’ll do my best to break it down. There are several factors that could lead a newlywed to cheat. To me most of them are irrelevant- real talk. I came across this article on a blog on AOL.comthat listed the top 6 reasons a newlywed man would cheat click here. I’ve summarized the reasons from the article below:

1. You’ve played house for years: “Research shows that infidelity rates are much higher among cohabiting couples than married folks who don’t live together first. One possible reason: “Often, a couple that decides to live together isn’t as committed,” Popenoe says. And if that’s the attitude, he adds, it doesn’t necessarily change just because you get married. The possible result: In fairly short order, one of you — most likely him — is on the prowl.”
2. The web makes cheating easy: “there are sites like Face book, where anyone from exes to one-night stands can find you. What starts as innocent e-flirting (which 20 percent of adults who used social-networking sites in 2008 admitted to in a study by the Pew Internet and American Life Project) can quickly get out of hand.”
3. Marriage hits guys harder: “Compared with dating and an engagement, marriage is serious business. It can seem like a drag, especially to men. “They feel this sudden responsibility to be a good provider and a good husband,” says Terri Orbuch, Ph.D., a marriage therapist and research professor at the University of Michigan. “These expectations can make young men feel old and boring.”
4. The sex has gotten stale: No details needed here.
5. Marriage didn’t fix him: “People who have cheated in the past usually can’t handle being so close with one person. But that’s exactly what happens in that first year of marriage — you get closer; you plan for the future; you focus on the togetherness and the partnership,” Weil says. “So someone with commitment issues might feel even more trapped and be more compelled to cheat, using another person as an intimacy blocker to keep themselves from getting too close to their spouse.”

(Source: aol.com)

Who are you Marrying?

OK, so the list above isn’t all garbage, but they forgot one reason- you married a man you knew nothing about.

Now this might cause one to get up in my face with, “I know what kind of sandwich he likes to eat”, “I know where he work at”, “I know how much money he brings home”.

That’s wonderful.

It is.

However, getting to know a person involves more than just memorizing their likes and dislikes.

Many times we get involved with and fall for the Disney version of the person. And I guarantee you 9 times out of 10 we already see the habitual liar and cheater in the person before we get married but we assumed that by making it official via marriage that our issues will be officially over.

Not saying that all marriages are perfect, or that they need to be, but know who you are deciding to settle down with. Study the way your partner thinks. Study how they make decisions. Does this process involve you? Or is this person solely for self?

And the beauty of getting to know a person is that it’s not just applicable to marriage, its applicable to all areas of our lives.

The objective is to Study your partner like they were the subject of a term paper, extricating the strengths and weaknesses taking them for face value. That way less of the focus is on “is he cheating?” and more on, “Am I feeling disrespected? And if so, lets fix this or I graciously move on”.

What do you think are the reasons for newlywed infidelity? Do you feel that cheating within marriage is inevitable? What are your thoughts on sites like AshleyMadison.com?

This entry was posted on Wednesday, August 19th, 2009 at 10:14 am. It is filed under Featured and tagged with cheating, divorce, Goddess Intellect, men, Women. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.